Monday, April 25, 2016

Just Wanted To Say Hello

This is not a drill. This isn't a page in one of my stories. What I saw from you today was real. Real communication. I've wondered much about whether what we had was true in heart or was it all just rose colored glasses. I've had many thoughts on how you could just walk away so easily from me. Did you really love me like you said you did? These things I'll probably never know. But to hear from you had my emotions mixed up. See, I know it's been about two years. Maybe you've changed. Maybe you haven't. But I know your patterns. It was me that was always waiting for you in the backroom during our season. Readily listening. Readily comforting. Always readily available and accessible to you - when things weren't quite right on the home front. 

And I remember everything. When I fell in love with you. I remember you loving me back. I remember making you laugh through your pain. I wanted to be your wife, the mother of your next child. Remember those talks? That makes me smile. But then my mind drifts to when you walked away. On more than one occasion. And how sad I felt. How broken I was. Forcing myself to still have good thoughts towards you. 

And now, your presence is felt again. "Just wanted to say hello." Is that it or do you wanna start over and try again? Did you wanna revisit the love? Or is this your pattern repeating once again in my life? Am I still only an after thought to you? When shit hits the fan is when I cross your mind?

For now, unless your heart yearns for more from mine, there's nothing to say. And if that's ever the case, we'll visit that space - maybe. But today, all that matters is that you walked away from me. You blocked me out of your life. You-----broke me. Someone you claimed to have loved. So therefore, my well being is no longer a concern of yours.

Hope you're well too.

Take Care.