Let Me Let Go...In My Own Time

I watched one of my favorite shows tonight called “Braxton Family Values”. And for the first 15-20 minutes, I couldn’t stop crying. The Braxton sisters were having a “truth” session. And as the saying goes, it definitely did some hurting. Traci, one of the middle sisters was finally able to get the bottom line of her anger across to the rest of girls. Traci had been harboring anger with the rest of her siblings for over 15 years due to missing out on a record deal in the 1990s. No one seemed to realize just how deep her anger was rooted. She said that she had tried to express herself before, but her feelings fell on deaf ears.

The thing with families is that many, if not most do not talk about their true feelings on situations. Our families are supposed to be our safe havens, yet so often they are the main ones that tend to judge the harshest and give you the least amount of support. Your family should be the main people you can talk about your deepest fears and concerns. They are indeed the ones we long for the most understanding from. Trina, another middle Braxton sister emphasized her disbelief on the length of time of Traci’s anger.  Sometimes, I think we all fail to remember that everyone is different. Everyone has their own healing clocks. You can’t expect for someone to heal from something in your time. That’s not fair. What may not affect you may affect someone close you in a completely different way.  That’s something that is easy to forget.

I remember when my parents divorced; I reacted so differently from everyone else. People said, “Get over it. It had nothing to do with you. You were just a child….” Well, we have different emotions about different people in our lives. And sometimes, when you force yourself to feel things on someone else’s clock, disaster ensues. “I AM NOT YOU. AND YOU ARE NOT ME.” It’s a simple concept that’s hard to grasp when you’re emotionally immature.

I had to get to my own place of forgiveness and reconciliation, but in my time. We all have to allow ourselves to do the same. We should allow those we love and care about similar respect. If it takes you a little bit longer to heal from hurt, that’s ok. Making daily progress to get where you need to be is always what’s best FOR YOU.

XO,

RebelliousButterfly

My Heart of Hearts

Ironically enough, I had already signed up for this blog months before it was a requirement for a class. I had never actually put my first blog up because I didn't force myself to sit and contemplate on what the heck to talk about. So when that moment finally came, I sat up one night asking myself what exactly I am passionate about. I remember feeling a little frustrated as I thought of all my friends who were so sure of themselves and their own passions. I, on the other hand, was always on the opposite end of that spectrum. Then I wondered, what is it that I ramble on the most about to my best friends? Well, I thought, I do talk a lot about friendships, how important they are to me, family dynamics, people I work with, and how often I try to maintain drama free environments in all areas of my life. That’s it – I think! Man, can I really blog about relationships. I mean, is that weird or something? Would I run out of things to say? But, hey, I figured, why not?!

While science, money, and career rule other people’s lives, relationships rule mine. On the verge of turning the big “dirty 30” club in a few weeks, I’ve watched myself evolve through pain in family relationships, have more failures than successes in romantic relationships, and strengthen my character through learning to work through conflicts on the job. Welcome to my heart. Welcome to my thoughts and my reflections. I hope that you should learn through my past experiences, and open to learning from my future ones. These are the very things that tickle my fancy. Successful relationships are what I find that I thrive off of. A little different from most, I suppose. But I’m ok with that. I hope you are too.

XO,

RebelliousButterfly